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#25. WHY DOES A PIGEON CROSS THE ROAD AND NOT FLY this week saw something perverse and surreal
but a story nevertheless that had much appeal
a mighty profession brought down by a bird with a brain so small and a manner absurd there are problems with louvers on buildings they’ve made that are needed on glass to offer some shade
they’re scribbling ideas and putting much energy toward shaping a louver so a pigeon won’t see
it as a natural place to comfortably sit
to make a home for itself or just have a shit
‘there’s nothing to fear’ they say in voices so hushed with their best laid designs now somewhat ambushed
and desperate not to cause any undue public alarm
they proceed with military zeal their aim to disarm so war has been declared
upon this open act of aggression by pigeons so crafty they’ve caused mass depression amongst building designers who’ve taken it badly
with the impotent frustration of moustachioed dick dastardly for designing buildings is surely hard enough
without nature deciding to play it so rough
they’re bringing in experts to advise what birds think
and whether there’s something that could be put in their drink
they’ve got computer programs
and precision engineers
they’ll probably start funding university research that’ll proclaim its scientific findings
in about fifteen years replica owls, sill spikes and towering nets
however hard they try, there’ll still be the threat
from the skies above and those splatter turd bombs someone's telling us something (it’s divine retribution)
since they live off its proceeds and then paint the town white yes we're destined to be shat on, but it only seems right
an existentialist reminder that shows us the way
to a more enlightened perception that keeps seriousness at bay
so whilst they go on making the most elaborate plans and dreaming up angles to supply the demand maybe somebody would like to point out the obvious
that buildings from glass and steel might just be cursed